Welcome And The Big Question

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of Philosophy of Life Podcast. My name is Rizzo NJ and I am here with my co-host Yala. Today we are talking about a subject that touches many of our lives in a quiet and invisible way. Our question today is something what is in life and is it in a disorder? I'm truly honored to be joined by our guest today, Trisa First, who will help us explore the subject from both a human and thoughtful perspective.

When Anxiety Feels Like Identity

SPEAKER_01 1:19

I'm gonna start off with um uh I guess more baseline of a question on the topic of anxiety that we're going to cover today. Um many people who live with anxiety for years start to view it almost as a personality personality trait rather than a condition. Um looking back at your maybe 40s or 50s, do you believe that that was just who you were? Uh or were you always searching for a way out?

SPEAKER_02 1:56

When I was dealing with this, yes, most most certainly. I mean, you're given a lot of coping techniques when you are diagnosed. Most of my problem was the medicines that they gave me, they never worked. I mean, they would do the opposite and the inverse of what they were supposed to do. So basically what I wound up having to learn is number one to trust myself. Number two, they gave me breathing exercises, they told me to do you know yoga and things like that, and it actually did help. But it took several years before I got to where I wasn't constantly in either train wreck panic attacks or any type of panic attacks. It took me several years, even with that, to be able to get to a point where I don't have any more panic attacks.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah,

Trauma History And The Breaking Point

SPEAKER_01 2:49

um, so for that breaking point or before the breakthrough, what was happening in your life? Uh, because I think you said um uh two years ago you had this breakthrough. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Yes, that is correct. Uh I had been diagnosed with panic disorder since I was a actually a young girl, and it just got worse. Uh my ex-husband uh tried to kill me, and that really didn't help me actually because I didn't have the ability to stand up and fight for myself. I mean, that just wasn't there. Dad died four years ago. Two years ago, I was finally able to start pulling myself out of that place, but it took a lot of self-examination and the courage to say, okay, why am I unable to do this? How can I get back and rebuild myself? And one of the first steps that I realized is I've got to love myself first. You know, treat myself with respect. If I make a mistake, don't trash myself about it. And yet, as an abuse survivor, when the pain starts, we don't really hate the people that are hurting us. We lose the love for ourselves. And that can be oftentimes be very difficult to get back. It can be done. I've done it. But you know, it's just it takes a wealth of emotion and knowing that okay, you're going to be okay, but it's going to take time, patience, and building yourself back up again.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Yeah. Um, do you think um what exactly was the breaking point though, where you felt like your old way of managing your anxiety was no longer sustainable? Like what what point, what happened exactly do you remember that made you think like, okay, this is just not working?

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Well, I had yeah, I had been saying for years that after dad died, I couldn't live like this. Two years ago, I reached my breaking point on his birthday, actually. I just I couldn't stand myself. I could not stand the problems that I was having because everything I was doing, I wasn't getting different results. I was getting the same exact results every single time. And I'm like, look, there's got to be a better way. There's got to be a better way to live. That's when I started doing research into okay, issues, and I knew what my issues were. Lack of self-trust, you know, all of that. And when you're traumatized, you you are that way. And that brings a lot of anxiety because I would just start like a deer if I heard any noise. I mean, I would have flashbacks of what happened to me, and I'm like, look, I'm not gonna live like this anymore. This isn't who I am. Again, I started working with the self, the four cornerstones of the self, and it took a little bit at a time. I've also studied, you know, different other philosophies to try to find something that works for me, because not everything does.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

And uh what was it like to challenge this decades-old habit at that stage in your life? Because I I guess was this something you've you've been trying to fix, or do you think you always you were kind of like in it and thought, okay, no, I can't, this is it, this is who I am, and I can't fix it, or were you always chasing um like for a fix?

SPEAKER_02 6:19

Up until two years ago, I was I I was I thought that I could not get out of this. There was just no way possible. Then I discovered I was wrong, and I started learning about you know different ways to handle anxiety. One of the things I think people with anxiety, we tend to hold a lot of stuff in, especially if we've been traumatized for any way, shape, or form. We don't know how to open that channel up in speed because a lot of times, especially as kids, we're not allowed to. I mean, you have to stuff everything that walk on the eggshells, keep the peace. I mean, and that's that's in any type of traumatic situation. You learn how to do that, and you forget you're lovable, you're worth something in the eyes of the divine. You forget that, you forget so much because you're trying to people, please, and protect yourself, and all that does is when you hold stuff in. That just makes the anxiety even worse. Because I've done that for years, and I had an episode with my ex-husband that told me something was bad wrong, and this was before I started taking care of my father. I went to climb up into a lighthouse because I love lighthouses. I had a major train wreck panic attack just two steps in. And the response my ex-husband gave me was, I don't want a crazy wife. So needless to say, we divorced, and you know, it just kept getting worse and worse. You know, they uh went through talk therapy, but it didn't really work that much.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Um, you before we uh started this podcast on our quick quick little meet that we had, um, you spoke of like four pillars that you use to manage

The Four Cornerstones Of Self

SPEAKER_01 8:03

your anxiety. Do you want to talk a little bit about that? Sure.

SPEAKER_02 8:06

Sure. The first one is self-love, meaning you need you need to be able to learn to love yourself instead of giving all that love away. Bring it back into yourself. Give yourself love, kindness, care, compassion. I mean, even it, and that means self-care. That's one of the first steps. The second one is self-respect. Make and keep your boundaries, don't bend them for anybody. Say no and mean it. Stand on your own two feet as far as no, I'm not gonna do this. Well, you did it before, I'm sorry. Let me introduce you to the new person, the new Teresa. The third one is self-appreciation. Now, I have a habit that I do. I buy about a dozen roses every week. But that reminds me, that's my way of telling myself, hey, I love you. And it could be just as simple as getting a bowl of ice cream. It doesn't have to be anything expensive. But do that. Reward yourself when you do something right. And one thing I will say is grace is also a part of the self-love process. Give yourself grace when you make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up because all that's going to do is just tear you that much further down. Two, three. And the fourth one would be self-discipline. It would be like, you know, I know what I want. I've got to be the one that takes the chances and moves forward. You know, people may say, well, you can't do this. Yes, actually, you can. And it's not selfish to love yourself or use any of those four cornerstones. It's actually healing. That's what I've discovered.

SPEAKER_01 9:38

Yeah. Well, where how did you encounter these four specific um practices or pillars?

SPEAKER_02 9:46

I have been reading different philosophy. I have I worked for a year with Napoleon Hill group. I've also been involved in other practices, and most of the wisdom teachers that I have read about, they always say something about one of these four things self-love, self-appreciation, self-discipline, and self-respect. Because those are building blocks. I mean, I'm not repeating something that hasn't already been said. But for me, the hardest thing for me was actually the self-love and the self-respect. Those were the two hardest, and I still do have to deal with them on occasion, but I've learned you love yourself first, nobody's gonna be able to love you if you don't know how to love yourself first. And with being a traumatized person, sometimes that's a that's the hardest step to even take. So I've I've I've worked through these two different groups because they all basically say the same thing, just worded in a different way. But those four are the basics of rebuilding yourself, especially after anxiety. Because having an anxiety attack is like your whole world's coming in. I mean, you can't think straight. You can't do anything, you're hyperventiling, you're thinking like you're about to have a major stroke or heart attack. And there have been times in the past where I have had to go to the hospital to get an injection to stop those. Very rarely, but in the last two years since I've started working with this stuff. I haven't had a panic attack one in two years. Because I'm learning to value myself, not what I was taught in the past, and what I was taught in the past can also be changed. That's also another channel of the four cornerstones. What you've learned in the past is not your true self. You learn that to survive. Your true self, your heart knows what your mind sometimes doesn't. It has been my pleasure and my honor to do this because I'm totally different from two years ago. I mean, I change every day. I'm more happier. One thing I also want to say about self-appreciation, sometimes cutting your life down to a simple idea, like I get up every morning, regardless of the weather, and I'll sit outside and I'll watch at sunrise. And I would uh I've got a certain small yoga routine that I do, and that brings me a lot of peace. Doing little things sometimes will bring you the most peace of all and not necessarily taking huge steps.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Yeah, absolutely. I can I can definitely see that, especially someone who's so deep in it. Um I can only imagine. And I I as I was thinking about uh just our conversation today, I was wondering, you know, was there ever like an immediate skepticism, even when you um discovered these practices? And I know you said the most unnatural thing for you was like self-love and self-respect. Um, but you know, because so many things hadn't worked for you, um, I wonder, like, did you look at this at first and say, oh, this is not gonna work either? Or did you kind of like say, you know what, this has to work? This has to work, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

It was actually a combination of skepticism because I had tried so many things without any success. But then again, it's that determination. This has got to work. It's got to. Something has got to change. I don't know what, but something has got to change in order for me to grow and thrive as a person. It was a combination of both.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Um is there um you've mentioned that the key wasn't just, I guess, knowing these things, but also repeating them, right? That's that's kind of how uh you you solidify it for yourself, right? Um can you talk to us a little bit about where you felt an anxiety attack coming on, and um you had to like manually engage these steps, and what did that internal battle look like?

Breathing And Self Talk In Crisis

SPEAKER_02 13:48

It was a rough battle. It's it's like you've got so much fear coming up. I mean, it overwhelms every single thing you do. I mean, you can't think, you can't talk straight. And one of the first things I did when I felt the anxiety come on was start doing a breathing exercise, a deep breathing exercise. And I use one even currently that's uh uh called a block breath. Four in, hold for four, four out, and then hold for four. I mean, it was like you're not gonna win this battle. That's what I was thinking and feeling. You're not gonna win this battle. But once I got myself calmed back down, I'm like, look, I don't care what the past says about me. I know I'm worthy of love. I love myself, I respect myself. I had to keep repeating a constant repeat, sometimes for hours, in order to get myself straightened back out again. I had to remind myself, look, I'm lovable. Look, I'm worth something, because I am a child of the divine, regardless of what the divinity's name is. I'm a child of the divine. I'm worthy just because I exist. And that, and even that, I was getting, oh no, you don't know what you're talking about. Like, wrong, yeah, I did. And it took me a while to get to that point.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

It was a battle.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

But I finally won it.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

At what point did it stop feeling like work and start feeling like almost like a default setting? Um, was it pretty much what I'm asking trying to ask is was it like a gradual uh fading of symptoms? Or did you suddenly just, you know, did it go like click and then the noise was gone, like that kind of thing?

SPEAKER_02 15:28

No, it didn't happen like that. It was a gradual, but I noticed that I was getting better. I wasn't having as many panic attacks. I also knew how to negate most of the stressors, but what helped was bringing myself back into a calm state of mind. That's the fastest way to get the attack to stop. You have to keep reminding yourself, and when you've got all that fear going in, because it's overwhelming. But you start breathing deep, it's gonna start coming down, start reminding yourself, number one, I'm loved, number two, I'm safe. Number three, I'm here. You know, nothing bad's gonna happen to me. It went something like that for about a year and a half. I would say, like I said, two years ago is when I started this, I'd say about a year and a half in. I find it finally took, like, I wake up in the morning feeling calm. My heart's not racing. You know, it's like, what do I get to experience today? And gratitude also ha has a great deal to do with it too. Being grateful for just being able to see, just being able to see the sunrise, just being grateful for the small things and the big things. Gratitude is also part of this healing process. Being grateful that you are experiencing and not necessarily classify what you're going through as quote unquote negative. It's a lesson, it's not a life sentence. That's what I learned the hard way. Because I like, I mean, it was just negative, negative, and negative, and then I slowly notice, well, I can think clearly. I can react in a different thought form than I would have previous to this. And it's just amazing. It was a gradual process. With some people that have done this, it's like, you know, a switch goes on with me. It was a gradual process.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Would you say that then the term like anxiety-free for you is that the physical sensation of stress never appears anymore? Or does it mean that your relationship to those sensations has changed so much that they longer like have power over you?

SPEAKER_02 17:38

It's the second one. It's actually that the stress no longer controls me. I mean, I have a different attitude now. If I get upset, I know step back, take a couple of deep breaths, get my thinking clear, and then see what pathway I need to be taking. That's what's worked for me anyway.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Yeah, that's yeah, and and I think that gives you a lot of confidence. And the knowing how to fight gives you a lot of confidence. And would you say that just that alone prevents the anxiety from even starting in the first place because you have that confidence to know I know how to fight this and I know how to get rid of it. So it just doesn't appear because of that confidence.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Exactly. It does give you a lot of confidence, and you also know that there are other things that you can do, like limit stressors. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't. Fall back on the practices that you do, meditation practice. I do one daily. So I mean, there's many different modalities that I'd use and that anyone could really use in order to stop the anxiety. I mean, I've changed the everything has changed. I mean, what used to rattle my cage, just look at it and go, okay. You know, you're not knocking on my door this time. Uh, go that way.

SPEAKER_01 18:57

Yeah, I I I really want I'm curious um to s uh to hear more about what that process is. But before I ask about that, um is do you have a process of um um navigating the feelings of looking back and the years you spend under the weight of that severe anxiety? And and is there a process of like forgiving yourself, forgiving your younger self for just not knowing?

Forgiveness As A Healing Tool

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Right. It it is a process of forgiveness. I mean, I can look back now to a lot of the horrible things that I've gone through, and it's like I forgive myself, number one, for holding on to it. And number two, I go ahead and forgive the person if I am ready to. But forgiveness is not necessarily for the people that hurt you, it's for you to be able to heal. That's what I've discovered. And I've I I've forgiven people I swore I would never forgive. It's because that's the power of forgiveness. I mean, longer you hold on to that, more junk your body's gonna throw at you eventually. Because, you know, you hold things in, you know, anxiety is just a starting point. I mean, it has been proven that anxiety can lead to other diseases as well. I mean, it just depends on what we've held in and how long we've held it in. And a lot of us haven't ever felt safe to let that out because we were not in an environment or a place or with somebody that we trusted enough to be able to open up to that. But now I can look back on the stuff that I went through and like, you know, you didn't deserve this. Don't hang on to it. Because you don't. A lot of things that happened to you are not your responsibility. It is your responsibility to heal from them, though.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Yeah, that's right. Most of it is not a responsibility. We we take on, I think, a lot more than than we really need to.

It Is Not Too Late

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Um if uh what would you say to a to a listener that is also over 60 and has um been anxious for 30 plus years, um, and it's and thinks it's just simply too late uh for their brain to rewire or for them to even be able to uh juggle something like this or change something like this after it's been with them for so so long.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

I would tell them that yes, it is you can change. I have. It won't be apparent at first, but you're never too old to change, regardless if it's dealing with anxiety or dealing with anything else. You have to be able to believe that you can, though. That's that's the core center right there. You've got to believe that you can do it, you will do it, and then take the steps like I've outlined about the self-confidence, self-discipline, and things of that nature. It's going to take time and patience. This is not a one and done situation by any means. For me, it took two years. For others, it may take longer. And the the thing is, you don't need to let yourself get get discouraged and listen to the inner critic inside of you. Because the inner critic only knows what's in the past, it doesn't know what your present or future is and your past. Past doesn't always necessarily mean your future either. And that's what a lot of people think. Well, I can't change this. Yes, actually, you can. It's just going to take time, patience, and a willingness to dig deep down, tear away all that stuff, and discover who and what you really are, and then build on that. It takes a lot of courage.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

And what are the the four practices? Well, you did tell us about them, but I want to know how would someone begin putting those into uh effect and um maybe even uh creating like a microhabit if they can't start like diving in right away? Why would you say no? The best way to do it is yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it depends. Some people are like that. Some people are like all or nothing, and then other people need that like more gradual uh way of doing things. So let's say someone wants to do a start in the next 10 minutes to begin begin the same journey you took. Um, what uh advice would you give? And how did you go about it with these four uh pillars uh to get you to where you are now?

Microhabits To Start Today

SPEAKER_02 23:10

What I did, I had to begin with self-love because again, 99 of the people, percent of people that are traumatized, that is the big the biggest step that in self-respect. I had to remind myself, I just breathed in, breathe out, and feel love and compassion for myself as a human being, not not even thinking about what went in the past, because the past is not the truth. You're your truth right now. Then reminding myself, look, I know that there are certain things that are going on. Stay true to myself, you know. Like I said, you can do use either breathing, like the for the block four method, and just remind yourself very gently, and it it's going to take multiple times. Like, I love myself, I appreciate myself, I am worthy. You know, and then you can move into something like self-confidence or self-respect. Don't talk to yourself like trash. Never do that. Because your body doesn't know the difference whether you're joking or not. And just remind yourself, okay, I am somebody. I am worth all the bounty of the universe. And it's just that is a way to start out doing a breathing exercise or include a visualization like for self-love with me. I just imagine this most beautiful golden pink light surrounding me and soaking into me. And I was firmly grounded into the earth below my feet. And that's one way of doing that, and know that you know the anxiety is gonna try to get the better of you, but you can win it. It is doable. I've done it, and you can too. And it takes a lot of self-courage to start looking at the at the dark side of things. And say, okay, that's what happened. But that's no longer me.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

Yeah, that separation, that separation I can imagine helps where you're you're just separating yourself from it. And the affirmations, I'm sure, are um are like the the core of it, right? The the way you talk to yourself, the way you think about yourself, uh, and then also not allowing others to talk and say things to you and about you, and you know, and making sure that you have that self-respect. Yeah, I I can definitely see that.

Resilience And Boundaries For Life

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Um uh what um has anxiety taught you personally about life, uh, growth, self-awareness? Um, just like a reflective uh sort of way, what would you say um it had taught it has taught you?

SPEAKER_02 25:46

It's taught me resilience. That's the biggest thing. It's taught me resilience that I can be resilient, I am resilient because I've gone through things that I thought I would never be able to get through, much less come out on the other side and be a healthier person. It I can't express that enough. That it's it teaches you resilience. It also teaches you once you learn how to get out of the anxiety, it teaches you to have a different mindset. I'm trying to put this into the right words, but have a different mindset about the way you view yourself and the way you view what past events. Because resilience will come, and unfortunately, there's been a saying that go that goes that pain will leave when it stops teaching you. It also teaches you to stand up for yourself. You know, honor your boundaries. Stand up for yourself. I'm not saying go get in a fist fight, but what I am saying is honor your boundaries. Respect yourself enough to say no to anything that makes you feel bad. No. Absolutely not. Don't do it. And and one thing I'm also going to say is about boundaries. Never bend your boundaries. Once you've got them set, leave them. Because I found the hard way. I bent boundaries for people, and I instantly regretted it. And that's a part of keeping yourself safe, is staying within your boundaries, saying no when you mean it. You know, if people get mad, that's on them. That's not on you. You honor your boundaries. And your body and soul are going to know that.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Yeah, that's right. I I I definitely have had that experience as well, where uh you whatever you however much you allow people to push you, that's how far they will push you. If they know they can't, even if they have in the past and they could, but now you say nope, they will get upset, but you know, but let me tell you, it won't happen again. So yeah, I I definitely agree.

Final Message And Closing Thanks

SPEAKER_01 27:48

It's been wonderful talking to you, um, Teresa. I I really uh I admire you. Uh, I think uh what you've done is not a um a walk in the park, um, but I I really admire you for have done it. And it's incredible to me um that you are anxiety free for uh two years. And by incredible, I don't mean that it's impossible, but I mean is that it's it's awesome. And I I think a lot of people will listen to this, uh, taking away the same. And I think um uh if just to kind of wrap it up, if you could leave our audience um with just one last message about anxiety, um, what would it be?

SPEAKER_02 28:32

Anxiety is not you. You're so much more than your anxiety, you're so much more than your past, you're so much more than all the pain and the fear you're feeling. Remember this fear is an illusion, not necessarily a reality.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Yep, I absolutely agree.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

Yes, so I I just want to admire you also. Um it's very brave to come to the podcast, talk about the pain that you passed. Um for me it took took years to come up and talk about my past pains. It's it's very, very painful when you remind remember it. So I think it's it's very brave that you did it, and also very important because your experience, what you go through, helps others to basically get better off in the life. And I think it's that is very important, and that's just the essence of this podcast. Although, thank you again for coming out in this podcast. And thank you to all our listeners for joining us today for another thoughtful conversation on the philosophy of life, where idea meant life experience. Thank you, Treser, for sharing your thoughts and your experience with us today. Until next time, take care of your mind, your thought, and your life. That was another episode of Philosophy of Life podcast. And my name is Colonel Zangile, you're my co-host, Yala Nazaya.