Hi, this is Raza Sanjide and this is Philosophy of Life. And today I want to talk about something we all deal with. When things didn't go the way we hoped. You expect something to happen. Maybe it's small, like someone texting you back. Maybe it's big, like getting that job, or being understood by someone you love, but it doesn't happen, and suddenly you're left with this weird feeling, disappointed, angry, hurt, and you think, why am I feeling this much? That's what we're gonna explore today. Why unmet expectation hits so hard, and what it does to our minds, our hearts, and even our bodies. Let's get into it. So here's the thing. You didn't get what you were counting on. And now you're upset, maybe even shaken. And some people might say, come on, it's not the end of the world. But they don't feel good. what you're feeling. Let me give you a real example. In China, when they built the Three Gorges Dam, over a million people had to leave their homes, not because they wanted to, but because they were told it was for the greater good. They were promised better lives, new housing, new jobs, a better future. But for many of them, that future never showed up. The jobs didn't come. The housing wasn't what they imagined. And the loss of community, of land, of trust, it broke something inside. There's actually a study about this. It found that in-met expectations, not just the displacement itself, was a major factor in why so many of them suffered from depression. Not being heard, not being helped, not getting what they were told they'd get. And the pain wasn't just mental. It showed up physically. Fatigue, poor sleep, stomach problems, anxiety, all from expectations that were never met. That's how powerful our inner contracts are. You don't have to be a damn resettler to feel it. You can be a single parent, a tired worker, a student waiting on one email, the promise of something better, and then the silence that follows. That's enough to knock the wind out of you. And that's what this is about. It's not about being weak. It's about being human. And the truth is, it's not just about broken promises from the outside. A lot of the time, it's the blueprints in our own minds, the way we expect the world to work, that end up hurting us the most. Expectations aren't random. They don't just come out of nowhere. We build them. based on how we think the world works, based on how we act. I mean, think about it. If I study hard, I expect to pass the test. If I show up for others, I expect them to show up for me. If I do things right, life should go right too. That's the mental contract. So when things don't work out, when I fail the test, I prepare it for it. It's not just failure. It's personal. It makes me think maybe I'm not good enough, or maybe everything I believed about effort and reward is wrong. See, expectation isn't just a wish. It's a blueprint. We build our action, our values, even our identity around it. And when the outcome doesn't match the blueprint, we don't just feel surprised. We feel broken. So now we get to the big question. Why does it hit so hard? Why does something as simple as an unmet expectation leave us drained, angry, sometimes even numb? The answer is not just emotional. It's physical. It's chemical. It's how we're wired. You see, every time you expect something, your brain starts to reward you before it even happens. It releases dopamine. the feel-good chemical. That's anticipation. It's why we feel excited before a trip or relieved even before the results come in. But when what we expected doesn't happen, crash, no dopamine, no reward, just silence, just space, just this uncomfortable emptiness, that crash doesn't just stay in your head. It spreads through your body. You feel tired. You tense up. Shoulders, jaw, back. You lose sleep. Your stomach gets threw off. You get sick more often. That's not being emotional. That is barley doing its job. But there is more. And this part is quite almost invisible. It's what are called unspoken rule. They are the expectation we carry that we never haven't Say out loud. We pick a bump somewhere. Our childhood, our culture, maybe old relationship. Things like, if I work hard, I'll be rewarded. If I'm kind, people will be kind to me. If I love deeply, I'll be loved back. But life doesn't always follow that script. And when it doesn't, we don't just get disappointed, we get disoriented. We start doubting ourselves. We start feeling like something is wrong. Not just with the situation, but with us. Now, here's something most people don't realize. Expectations and emotions are deeply tied together. Not just casually. Not just once in a while. They are locked in a constant loop. How expectations cause emotions. When you expect something, Whether it's a job offer, a message from someone, or just a smooth morning, your mind invests in that outcome emotionally. You're not just thinking about it. You're feeling it ahead of time. So when it happens, you feel joy, relief, satisfaction. And when it doesn't, that's when disappointment, frustration, or even anger kicks in. The emotion comes from the gap between what you expected and what actually happened, how emotions react to expectations. Emotions aren't random. They're reactions, data points, showing us how close or far we are from what we hoped. Let's say it's your birthday. You expect your friend to remember. If they call, you feel seen, loved, important. If they don't, you feel forgotten, maybe even whored. The situation didn't change you. It just didn't match what you were expecting. And that's what triggered the emotion. And this is why it becomes a loop. Here's where it gets tricky. The more our expectations are met, the more hopeful we become. But the more they're unmet, the more guarded we become. You expect less, but you also feel less or worse. You feel anxious before anything even happens, because your body is already bracing for disappointment. It becomes a cycle. Expect. Feel. Adjust. Expect again. If no one ever meets your expectation, you start expecting that. And that creates a low, quiet pain that doesn't go away. But the good news is, once you see the cycle, you can start to change it. So now we know. Expectations aren't just thoughts. They're emotional investments. And when reality doesn't cash them out, it hurts. Deeply. Sometimes in ways we don't even have words for. But here's the part where things can start to shift. Because if we can learn to see our expectation clearly, we can begin to change our relationship to them. And that doesn't mean giving up. It doesn't mean being cold or cynical or never hoping for anything. It means being aware. It means being honest with yourself about what you're hoping for and what you're silently asking others or the world to give you. Let me walk you through a few ways we can start doing that. One, name it to tame it. The first step is simple, but not always easy. Name your expectation, say it out loud, write it down, own it. So many emotional meltdowns happen because we never stop and say, I was expecting them to understand me without explaining, or I thought this would be easier than it is. That clarity alone, just seeing it, can soften the blow. It turns confusion into understanding. Two, make the contract visible. A lot of expectations are unspoken contracts. We expect people to know how we feel, to care, to help, but we never tell them what we're hoping for. So the question becomes, did I actually communicate this? Or did I just assume they knew? Because if the contract isn't visible, it's not fair to punish someone for breaking it. Three, look at the source. Where did this expectation come from? Is it yours? Or is it something society told you? Something your parents expected? Something an old version of you once believed? Sometimes we're holding onto outdated expectations, ones that don't even match who we are anymore. Letting go of those can be freeing. It is painful, yes, but freeing. 4. Shift from outcome to intention. Here's a powerful shift. Instead of only focusing on what you expect to happen, focus on why you care in the first place. For example, I expected them to listen to me. Why? Because I want to feel heard. I want to feel close. Now you're getting to the heart of it. And maybe even if they don't listen, you can find other ways to feel connected, supported, understood. The goal is to meet the need, not control the outcome. 5. Talk about it, even if it feels awkward. It's okay to say, I expected something different. I'm not mad, but I was hoping for something else. This caught me off guard, and I'm still trying to make sense of it. That kind of honesty can be uncomfortable, but it also clears the air. It opens space for healing, for reconnection, for clarity. In the end, You can't control what other people do. You can't control how the world responds to your plans or your effort or your love. But you can learn how to meet yourself in that space, the space between what you hope for and what really happened. And when you do that, something changes. You don't stop caring. You just stop collapsing every time life surprises you. You become softer, not weaker, wiser, not colder, and more at peace with the fact that life doesn't always follow the script. But that doesn't mean it can't still be beautiful. So, yeah. Sometimes the journey really is what matters most. Not the outcome. Not the prize. Just the fact that you tried. I've always believed that. We don't always reach the top of the mountain. We don't always get what we imagined. But we made the climb. We showed up. And that means something. Because life isn't here to meet our every expectation. But it does respond to effort. It shapes us through the trying, through the letting go, through the learning. I've never been rich. I've never had everything I thought I wanted. But I've always had what I needed. And honestly, that's more than enough. I didn't get the big house, but the small one I live in brings me peace. And maybe that's the bigger win. So as we close today, I want to share something personal. I just had the chance to travel, really travel, for the first time in my life across America. Two days in a row, we drove from Washington, D.C. to Denver, Colorado. And the experience, the driving, the solitude, the silence, the landscapes. It was life-changing. I didn't know what to expect. And maybe that's the point. Not knowing the outcome is actually more natural than we think. And being open to what life brings you without controlling it, that's where the transformation lives. Because when you see new things, feel new things, you start to become someone new. Not someone perfect, but someone deeper, more awake. And that's what it should be, I think. Thank you for listening. Thank you for spending this time with me. As always, these podcasts are made for you. Please share your thoughts. I'd love to hear what this stirred in you. That was expectation and emotion. Be thoughtful. Be curious. Until next time.